30 and Stay Sane

I've been living in this world for 30 years, 1 month, and several days. Aaand I'm tired. It's not like I want to die, by the way. I just don't know what I want to pursue anymore. Study? No, thank you. Postgraduate is more than enough for me. I don't want to go through research drama anymore. Work? Nah. I don't intend to get higher position. And my job is not interesting anymore. I'm not as eager as the first time I get the job. In the first three years, I did my job earnestly. And then many unpleasant occurences ruined my spirit. I become not so passionate anymore about my job. I just whine and complain. Maybe many people around me are a bit irritated listening to my whining. And my friend in Facebook too.

My job isn't enjoyable anymore. Neither my life, I guess. I don't look forward either to tomorrow nor my future. Sometimes, I feel like, "Please, I don't want tomorrow to come so soon." Everyday is full of worries and anxiety. It's tiring. It's driving me insane.

In this tiring life, I found something to keep me sane: learning foreign languange. Four years ago learning Korean help me healing my broken heart. And now, learning Japanese help me escape from my gloomy real life. When I'm drowning in my learning I can forget about my worries and anxiety. I feel happy when get the meaning of a word I just heard. When I watch drama and the actor say something, I will be curious and look it up in my dictionary or Google Translate. And in recent days, everytime I feel depressed about my job (and it means everyday), I will open my book or browse Wiktionary and learn about Kanji. It's like finding something new, and it's nice. Sometimes I write it down in my notebook. My progress is not so fast. I still can't read Kanji well. Even hiragana and katakana is still hard to memorize. Vocabulary? Just the same. I haven't memorize many word. But it's OK as long as I enjoy it. Maybe that's what can make me stay alive: having something I really enjoy doing it.

My messy note